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Who Taught You How to Dress?

By
Ginger Burr

You would think that something as basic and routine as getting dressed every morning would be a simple, uncomplicated daily practice. Guess again! If that were the case, fewer women would have a love/hate relationship when it comes to their body image, self-esteem, and personal style. They would not feel so frustrated, overburdened, overwhelmed, misguided, and unfulfilled when it comes to how they perceive themselves. As sad as it may seem, over time many women have lost faith in their ability to feel good about how they look.

It goes light years beyond what style pants or dress looks good on you. It's more about recognizing and acknowledging inner messages that have eclipsed their sense of style and delight in their bodies. What will it take for women to achieve a peaceful coexistence with their bodies and style?

Let's take a look at three concerns that keep women from expressing their inner beauty in the clothing choices they make.

1. The Power of Childhood Messages: The percentage of women who, many years later, still feel shame or embarrassment associated with a hurtful comment that was made to them as a child or young adult about how they look is mind-boggling. Why is it that friends and family, in particular, feel they have permission to freely and openly comment on someone's appearance? One well-meaning (perhaps) father said to his young daughter, "Smile! You're much prettier when you smile." She didn't hear, "You're pretty." She heard, "I'm ugly when I do not smile." It still haunts her 25 years later!

The fact that comments like this one are still in women's consciousness so many years after the fact illustrates the wounding power of the words. Whether they were meant to be or not, they were malicious and can have long-term damaging effects. Did you experience these types of comments when you were a child? If so, what comment did someone make about your appearance (no matter how seemingly benign or well-intentioned the comment seemed) that left you feeling badly about how you look? Does it still impact the choices you make when buying clothes now or making decisions about some aspect of your image?

If the thought of wearing something you used to love still appeals to you (but you have felt reluctant to do so), make a fashion treasure map. Let's say you always wanted to wear ballet slippers but your mother made you wear "sensible" shoes. Go through magazines, catalogues and the internet and cut out pictures of ballet slippers (there are lots of them out there now). Make a collage of ones you think are pretty. Put the collage somewhere where you can see it often, and it will make you smile. This is the first step in taking back your power about what you want to wear!

2.   Your Daily Uniform: Like many women, Lisa has a "go-to" outfit that she automatically slips into on those days when she is just out and about or running mundane errands. With two children, three cats and a busy career, getting dressed is usually more a matter of comfort or expediency and less about making a purposeful choice. One day, as Lisa was shopping, she caught sight of herself in a store window as she waited to make a purchase. Until then, she had not realized how unhappy and uninspired she felt about how she looked, and she longed for an "every day" look that made her smile. With a sigh of overwhelm and resignation, she chalked it up to wishful thinking and resigned herself to feeling unfulfilled. It need not be this way!

While the overall task of totally recreating your wardrobe can feel overwhelming, taking one small step at a time can make all the difference in the world. For example, identify one aspect of your look that you are frustrated with that you can adjust easily. Perhaps it is upgrading your t-shirts (opting for a pretty scoop neckline vs the typical (and universally unflattering) crew neck or simply buying one in a beautiful color as opposed to the requisite white, gray or black will add some spark to your wardrobe. Maybe adding a pretty belt, a bracelet or change your shoes from crocs or drugstore flip-flops to a colorful or bejeweled sandal or comfortable wedge (no need to have your feet hurt while you are running errands!) will add some pizzazz. With each change you make that brings a smile to your face, the easier it will be to make another change and another. This will keep the momentum going!

3.   Having Too Many Clothes. Most women have too many clothes, that is, more clothes than they can reasonably wear in any given year-and it is generally not because they love to shop and love changing their clothes several times a day. It is more often because they are searching for clothes they like and, in an effort to create a wardrobe, they often buy things out of frustration or desperation. As a result, they end up wearing a small fraction of their clothes all the time. The rest just sit there because they don't enjoy wearing them. Is this true for you? If it is, consider asking yourself the following questions about each article of clothing before you actually purchase it.

·   Choose an article of clothing from your closet that you rarely wear.
     Put it on, and ask yourself the following questions:
·   Does it fit properly?...really? Or, can it be tailored (and, if so,
     will you tailor it)?
·   Is it comfortable?
·   Is it a great color on you?
·   Does it go with at least one other item in your wardrobe to make a
     complete outfit?
·   Do you have good memories associated with it? (Sometimes we avoid
     wearing things because they bring back bad or painful memories.)
·   Do you love it and think it is beautiful?

If you answered yes to all of the questions above, congratulate yourself on choosing a great item to integrate back into your wardrobe. (Sometimes the best shopping we do is in our own closets!) As you go through these unworn items and remove items that no longer serve you, your wardrobe will become much more manageable. You will wear more of your clothes and feel good getting dressed every morning.

If you answered no to any of the questions remove the item from your closet. Answering no to even one of the questions is reason enough to remove the piece (at least temporarily) from your wardrobe!

If in your heart you long to enjoy getting dressed every morning and dream of having a wardrobe you love, then this is a great place to start. Every woman deserves to feel good about how she looks and many women give up before they get there. Don't let that happen to you.

Ginger Burr

Total Image Consultants

Follow Ginger On Twitter: http://twitter.com/GingerBurr

ginger@totalimageconsultants.com
617-625-5225
800-380-8726

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